When Will You Retire?

Gen X weighs in on clocking out.

When Wilford Brimley (right) was cast as a retirement-home senior in Cocoon, he was 49!

This week, I stumbled across a Reddit thread by a person named AlarmingMonk1619 that asked a seemingly simple question:

“Are you retiring at 65?”

The post has over two thousand responses, and as I fell down the rabbit hole reading them, two things became clear:

1) I was not alone in my angst and abject fear about this topic.

2) There is no right answer.

Gen X has proudly, stubbornly, never been a monolith. Tell us to do it this way, and we’ll do it that way. Tell us what age we should be, and we’ll tell you to shove it up the kazoo.

DeadCatBounce00 put it as only a Gen Xer could:

“Mid 50s and have quit working for some time, just haven’t told the company yet.”

Last month, I argued that there were actually two Gen Xs: Early Gen Xers (born roughly 1965-1972) and Late Gen Xers (born roughly 1973-1980. But when it comes to ideas about when to retire, there are at least 6 Gen Xs.

I didn’t read all the responses, but I read enough to sort out these retirement types. See if any of these resonate with you.

1. The Pensiononis

These are the Gen Xers who landed the last of the old school jobs — government, military, education — before 401(k)s and IRAs slammed those doors shut. They’re retired at 52, 54, sometimes younger, and they know exactly how lucky and rare that is.

Only 14% of Gen X is covered by a pension at all.

Old_and_Cranky_Xer wrote:

“I retired at 54. I had 34 years of state government work. I was fortunate enough that between my age and years of service I was able to retire with 85% of my salary and insurance.”

Nice work if you can get it.

2. The 401(k)ers

These are the people who managed to save some money in their 401(k)s over the years, but not nearly enough to be able to call it quits by 65.

According to Fidelity, the average Gen X 401(k) balance is $222,100, but most Gen Xers believe they’ll need at least $1.1 million to retire comfortably.

And even if they wanted to contribute more to thier retirement plans, their current sandwich situation — supporting their kids and their aging parents — is making that impossible.

23% of Gen Xers have reduced or stopped retirement contributions due to dual caregiving responsibilities.

In typical macabre fashion, Gen Xers had all sorts of opinions about this state of affairs.

Said JerzGrrl who’s still waiting for her employer to match her contribution:

“Probably retiring 30 minutes before my funeral. No partner, no kids, chronically underpaid.”

3. The Medicare Legionnaires

For this group, the entire retirement plan comes down to one number: 65. Not because that’s the classic retirement number, but because that’s when Medicare kicks in.

Healthcare or lack thereof is what scares the crap out the majority of Gen Xers and keeps them chained to their thankless jobs way past their expiration date.

A recent KFF poll found that about two-thirds of Americans say health care costs — including insurance — are their biggest financial worry, even more than the cost of groceries or rent.

Temporary_View_3303 pretty much summed up the senitment:

“At 56, I can’t wait to be done…The only thing stopping me is the expense of healthcare and the 10% fee for drawing 401k early.”

Some stretched the magic number to 67, when you can receive full monthly Social Security payment.

Then again, the Social Security trust fund is projected to face depletion in the mid-2030s — precisely when the bulk of us expect to retire.

Screwed again!

4. The Death at the Deskers

These are the folks who are convinced they will never be able to retire. Only death will pry them away from their desks, with their cold, lifeless hands still perched atop their smart keyboards.

I have a feeling many in this cohort listened to lots of The Smiths and The Cure in their heyday.

Northshorehermit put it poetically:

“I’ll retire when I’m in the box.”

My favorite line comes from hyst0rica1_29:

“I’m working until that afternoon I use some PTO to go to my own funeral.”

5. The Unretirees

This group isn’t buying the whole retirement thing. They either love their jobs too much, or they can’t imagine life without work.

Heavymetalarmageddon plans to keep working in some form indefinitely:

“I've seen too many people die within a year of retiring to know that you have to stay somewhat busy doing something you enjoy after you're done with your career.”

trees_are_beautiful doesn’t see the point:

“I hate the idea of retiring. I love my job. Have great coworkers. As long as I'm able I will continue to work. It's not about having to work longer, or not. I don't want to hang out with retirees.”

6. The Part-Time Lovers

This group doesn’t want to quit working. They just want to quit working full time on someone else’s terms. They want to retire from their job, but then find something else, usually part-time, usually something they actually enjoy, that pays just enough to feel like a bonus rather than a burden.

dlihce retired at 56 and took a job two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon, half a mile from home.

“I weigh less, I am more active and most importantly, I am happy.”

Background_Tax4626 wants to retire than work part-time as an usher at the Phoenix Suns arena.

“That way I get paid to watch NBA games & concerts.”

Maybe this is the best compromise for Gen X. Not completely broke, but not dying at our desks either.

Oh, for what it's worth, I ran the numbers on everyone in the thread who gave a specific age for retirement. The average? 60.8.

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m…60.8?